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Unreachable and Invisible Barriers

Putting up an invisible barrier has always been one of my defense mechanisms, aside from strolling around somewhere and writing nonsense. Whenever I feel like I get too close to some people for comfort, I start cutting off any means of communication with them – lying low in networking sites, not replying to their private messages, not answering their phone calls and e-mail and stop going in meet-ups and get-togethers.

But now, even though I sometimes I feel doing just that, I simply can’t. Or rather, I simply chose not to?

Why?

Because not only did I successfully lose the people I wanted to shake off from my life, but I’ve lost some people I loved as well in the process. By putting up an unreachable and invisible barrier, I barred people from coming into my life as an act of self-preservation – as an act to save myself from getting hurt.

But by doing so, I also closed myself from the people who once showered me with concern, love and affection. Because of what I did – of becoming a recluse and withdrawing from the world, some people who once cared for me left me one by one.

Now that a little of them is left, I vowed to myself that I would never close up like that again. That despite feeling pain, I would continue opening up myself because as they say: To love is to be vulnerable. And this vulnerability does not equate to weakness. Instead this vulnerability, in my own understanding, refers to the ability to trust in yourself – that you’d be okay in the long run in spite getting hurt, and trust in others – that they’d treat you right.

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Posted on February 3rd, 2014 by MacFleet

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