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Directionless

Have you ever experienced feeling lost, like you’ve had nowhere to go? You keep on walking, and just let your feet lead you to somewhere without having a picture in mind as to where you want to really go. The feeling of being directionless, of succumbing to the sameness in your everyday existence and numbness in your whole being… these are all challenging, and mind-boggling to say the least. In reality, there is a lot who couldn’t recover and remain aimless all their life.

Last year, my family was bombarded with a lot of problems – squabbles with relatives, my sister’s unexpected pregnancy before marriage, brother’s failure in the board exam and financial-related mess. And I, likewise, was struggling in school.

So every time I went home, I’d immediately proceed to my room without much of a “How was your day?” And at night, I had a hard time sleeping – I became an insomniac in the long run. For months, I slept for only 4 hours a day, and it strained me a lot.

By the end of the 1st Semester, when the grades were handed to us, it felt like I was washed over by a cold bucket of water – I barely passed my subjects. I realized I let myself be swayed by the problems and forgot what my real aim is in life – to be happy. And then and there, I found myself grasping for the path which I strayed off. I allotted time for meditation and prayer, re-aligning my thoughts to the God I believe in, and asked for forgiveness – for straying away from the path I should’ve tread on.

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Posted on March 2nd, 2014 by MacFleet

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