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Love Confession

“It may seem safe to stay silent, but a long-term silence can be really destructive and consuming. Sometimes, you just have to take the risk… in order to be emancipated.”

I had a friend who was a decade older than me, but we got along fairly well – more than just ‘well’ in fact. We talked about a lot of things – from politics, social issues, history and in the long run, about our personal lives. On several occasions, we would go on friendly dates and meet-ups in malls and cafés. Well, he was a family friend so no one dared to put malice on our actions, and the age difference made matters seem platonic. Everyone thought we shared a sibling-like closeness.

We had a mutual closeness after two years of constant communication, and I felt like I’ve known him for a long time already. He was just so comfortable to be with, and I felt safe whenever he was around. I knew it was absurd, but I finally admitted to myself that I was in-love. It was absurd because I knew he probably didn’t see me in that way. I was still a ‘girl’ in his eyes, not a woman he could share something passionate with. I was only the little girl whom he could count on to cheer him up when times get tough.
I still planned to confess despite that knowledge, however it was too late.

One day, out of the blue, he called up to say that he was going overseas to finish his thesis. And I was too dumbfounded to say anything. One thing I learned about the experience was to have the courage to say what I truly felt. Even if I’d end up being rejected, what was important was to let him know. But despite the determination, I found it hard to verbalize my thoughts, so there I was, hanging on “what-if’s” and “could-have-been’s”

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Posted on March 24th, 2014 by MacFleet


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