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Holding back the pain

John 1:5 “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.”

When I was very young, raised in a broken family, someone often told me that showing emotion does not help. I grew up believing that people should not voice out their issues, problems, hurt or disappointments. Keeping it all bottled-in did not help my childhood. I cried myself to sleep at night, hoping someone would open up my heart to take the pain away. It was unbearable. Being an only child did not help, no one was there to listen. I was told not to tell anyone how I felt, who I was and what I wanted. All these things almost brought me madness; I was a child who had no one to open up to. The only person who I depended on for love and support was too busy with herself, she did not know how to deal with her own pain nor did she know how to raise a child. I had to grow up on my own.

Holding back the pain causes a person much grief. My parents broke up when I was 7. Thankful for teachers , at my primary school, who told me that it was wrong, it was a big mistake to keep everything bottled up inside. I learned to correct that mistake through writing, I kept a journal. I shouted till the hurt faded away, shouting into my bedroom pillow until all the tears were gone. I slept better at night after I wrote everything on paper. The grief started to dwindle into nothingness, I learned from the mistakes of others. I no longer needed to suffer. I had a long life to live; I needed to be independent at a very young age. At age 9, I started writing poems; I became a favorite at school for my creative writing. I found an outlet.

No, it is never right to keep it all bottled-in, it is a mistake to keep suffering because of other people’s mistakes. I learned to let go of unnecessary baggage. We must create our own lives; we must make our own dreams come true.

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Posted on October 18th, 2013 by rainbowexpress2013


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