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My Early Editing Fail

In elementary school, a common pastime is the discussion on inappropriate subject matter. I’m fairly certain most of the gross words, songs, and phrases were learned through my child-friends. “There’s a place in France, where the naked ladies dance; /there’s a hole in the wall where we can see them all. /there’s a king and a queen with a rubber ding-a-ling.” When these charming lyrics graced my ears, I gaily committed them to memory. While there are obvious sexist/perverted ideas hidden here that I did not grasp (not to mention cultural inaccuracies); I was attracted to the maturity I thought came automatically with words of an adult nature (almost the opposite). Some time passed and we were granted some days off to celebrate the American New Year; naturally my family regrouped for fireworks and general togetherness. I sat on the porch sandwiched between to parental figures (my uncle and stepdad who shared the same name), with a box of tiny special charcoal pellets that reacted to fire. A minor form of fireworks, a single pellet will expand to resemble a tiny snake. In the “PG” mind you adopt around kids, my uncle began to sing the familiar tune only with shallower lyrics.
“There’s a place in France, where the people wear no pants.” Immediately identifying the tune, I recognized that abut sixty-six percent [repeating] of my version was inappropriate for adult ears (from child mouths). I continued,
“There’s a king and queen with a rubber ding-a-ling.” I know from their faces that I had messed up. My stepdad ushered me to the restroom in a quite responsible manner. I learned that, in the case of phrases I am unfamiliar with: it is better safe than sorry. He also explained what a “ding-a-ling” was slang for.

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Posted on June 1st, 2013 by Vittles


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