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Just this year I have learned the mistake I have been making is speaking negatively. My boyfriend put me in my place the last couple of months making me aware that I have been negative on occasion when I am stating my opinion. Even when he agrees with me, he finds it annoying to hear my objections out loud. I say my opinions so quickly without thinking them through that they tend to come out rough, rude, and hard for most to handle. I am very blunt when I speak. I do not believe in sugar coating my views or beating around the bush in anyway. I feel we are taking away our voice by doing so and we waste a load of time. I do not intentionally say things to be crude or hurt anyone’s feelings; I am just very honest with what I feel. If I do not like something or strongly disagree, I say so. If one person can put in their two cents, why can’t I? Mine may not always be positive, but my rights are still the same and I am just as human as anyone else. As far as I am concerned, we are all equal so we all deserve equal time at the mike. I am harsh for the sole reason it is honestly what is going through my head without editing. I seem more negative than others because most people try to hold it in. I do not.

Here stands my problem and the mistake I am now aware of. Honesty is a brilliant policy but at the same time, I should be holding my words an extra second so as not to offend anyone or let my sentences come out the wrong way. I do not ever want to offend or discriminate anyone. It isn’t right and I do not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I had never seen my outright views as disrespect because I was not intentionally disrespecting anyone; but once he finally put it in my face that sometimes it bothers him to hear the things I have to say, I had to step back and look at the view from the other side of the tracks. All of a sudden, I was aware how my directness is harsh and sounds rude. I caught my own negativity not long after while looking at a picture and my stepmother pointed out that I was being negative when I pointed out a couple things. She overreacted as usual but she had a point and I had to shut up. I had to see the light a little to realize I do not have to bottle up my thoughts or emotions; I just need to watch my tone and be careful how I phrase them. That is all. I do not need to stop being who I am. No one is asking me to but they are asking me to be a little kinder, gentler. If you don’t have something nice to say, find a way to say it nicely, or keep the trap door closed. It is not a bad policy and I am seeing that they are right, I do need to tone down my tone. Before, I would say whatever I wanted and expected people to take them lightly; but how can they if doesn’t even come out lightly? That was my “aahhh” moment with the clouds parting and sun coming out, with a choir “ahhhing” with me. I get it now!

Through my loved ones showing me where I am wrong, I am teaching myself to speak in a softer tone, in fewer words. I don’t want people to see me as a brat or b-i-t-c-*. I realized one day when I was thinking about all of this that my boyfriend and I actually had a lesson for me that I passed on our vacation to San Diego. He told me, “Please don’t embarrass me”. I knew what he meant so I put in my best efforts to behave. I kept my thoughts quieter, I thought them through, and I did not offend anyone. At the end of the trip he told me how proud he was that I did not fight with him over little things, blurt out comments, or nag at all. That is my lesson learned for that week and my reference point for every coming week from here on out. I find it easier than I expected to breathe for a moment to say it right and say it kind. That little motto helps me quickly control my lips before they blab something stupid or possibly insensitive. We cannot always take things back and I would rather not have to worry about being in that type of scenario.

I have learned my lesson to keep track of my voice but I do have the occasional slip-ups. My slip ups are minor though and I continue to do much better with my boyfriend, my family, my coworkers, my clients, my boss, and even my four year old son who drives me darn crazy many days. Breathe girl, breathe. Now speak.

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Posted on June 27th, 2014 by Anonymous


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