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BIG FIGHT

Every couple fights at some point in their relationship but for some couples, what they fight about can bring down their entire union in a single night. Love is a beautiful thing but it is never enough on its own to sustain a lasting bond forever. I knew this all along and yet I still learned the hard way one morning on my way to work. I made a huge mistake that almost cost me the love of my life forever. My boyfriend had nearly pulled his final straw after this argument.

I am often very hardheaded and quite stubborn. They are not two traits I am usually proud of because they often lead to disagreements with others and very often lead to arguments with my boyfriend. Sporadic disagreements are a part of life and any type of relationship; but on this particular morning, it was no one occurrence or sporadic fight, it was something my love was all too familiar with. I threw gasoline on a fire that was already burning too well on its own.

In the past, I have allowed myself to lose control of my own voice and my own head. I let my mouth run whatever it wants, making me sound like a crazy lunatic and my head play Follow the Leader, further proving to most I have issues. I had already yelled at him on more than one occasion in public. People stop what they are doing because of my distractions and just stare in disbelief that I chose this moment to have this conversation. I am sure they feel bad for my boyfriend and I do too afterwards but it is in my heat of the moment that will lead me into trouble. I did it again on this morning and my boyfriend had nothing to do but stand there and be embarrassed as the passerby glanced at the commotion. We stood there in the parking lot and I again talked down to him like he was some disobedient child; but I don’t think that way of him at all.

I have fought with him in grocery stores, parking lots, streets downtown, and at restaurants. All of these events led up to the final blowout that left us now teetering off a cliff. Our fight in front of the restaurant was only one week before this particular morning.

We were heading to our cars when I noticed the landscapers had parked their equipment right behind my vehicle so I couldn’t get out. Since I had never heard them speak English, I figured the quickest way to get them to move would be to have my bilingual boyfriend quickly tell them to move their stuff. He took his time getting his stuff into the car and since I was already late, I raised my voice and told him to hurry up. Well that did it. He threw his bag and yelled at me for not asking them myself to move. He did ask and sure enough, they speak English just fine. He peeled out from the lot and that was it for the next fourteen hours until he finally came home from work that evening. I knew then that I had made a big mistake that might cost me everything. When he came home that evening, I knew he would have something to say. We talked about my outbursts on him and he said he was done being yelled at in public and treated without any respect. I listened to him lecture me for an hour. I realized his pain and frustrations and why he wanted to end it. He saw no end in sight to my disrespect and was still plenty angry with all of the times this had happened in the past few months.

For the next couple of weeks after this, we had numerous discussions about the damaging factors in our relationship that caused him to finally end it. They all had to do with my faults and me for belittling him and doing it in public with people to see and hear what I was yelling at him for.

When you take life for granted it often turns on you. I learned from that mistake that morning and our conversations thereafter that although not all of our problems were my fault, I was a major factor in why he could no longer handle being with me. From the whole ordeal I learned each day we have to know that even a love so strong will wilt like a rose if it is not properly cared for. I have become so aware of how I speak to him and how I handle people at work. I keep telling myself to keep calm and use positive tones that do not come off hostile or let myself lose my cool again. In order to work on my interactions with him, I have to work on each interaction I have with the people around me and change my attitudes and conversation methods if I want to keep my loved ones in my life. I work hard to be kinder to the coworkers I clash with and the difficult clients we must face. I made it clear to my boyfriend that I was not only sorry but also fully aware that I had major changes to work on with myself and together if we were ever going to make it work. He noticed soon that I was working on things to make them better but the past never erases itself. History does not disappear just because the future looks a little brighter.

From all of this I had to learn that if we take our love for granted, we may not have it tomorrow when we wake up or even when we come home from work. I was letting my relationship wilt thinking I could take care of it later. There isn’t always later.

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Posted on October 28th, 2014 by Anonymous

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