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We all lie at some point in our lives fortunately, not all of us are professional liars. I have often asked myself if honesty can ever be found in this world? I guess the answer can be yes or no depending on who you are asking. Since lying has become so common to some people, they often fail to realize how bad it is not only for themselves but also for those around them. I guess in my case, I simply had to learn the hard way.

I knew that lying was bad. My parents thought me that but somehow the thought of pretending to be someone that you are not is way cooler than just sticking with the facts. I didn’t want to be a regular person. I wanted to be envied at some point. This is why I chose to deceive others so that they would like me but in the end, I just deceived myself. For every time I faced people, I donned a mask. It was a mask that everybody liked. It seemed flawless but if you look closely, you will see a tiny crack that continues to grow every time as the guilt of lying continues to grow inside me. I didn’t want to be called a liar but at the same time, I didn’t want to loose any of my friends. I was living the dream and I didn’t want to get out of it. I might have really been talented but I wasn’t cool. I simply did things that everybody thought was cool but that’s just not me. I loved the attention. I relished the fame. I might not have been the most beautiful girl in the class or the richest but I was one of the coolest and that was good enough for me. Sadly because of my selfishness, I forgot to realize that before I became the cool version of me, I was an outcast and there were only a few people who surrounded me with care. They were my real friends but somehow I neglected them because I wanted so hard to be a part of the in group. They continued to be my friends but I just didn’t want anything to do with them probably because I didn’t want my new friends to see that I was hanging out with them. I didn’t want to be disowned. I was already living the dream or at least, I thought I was.

When one of my old friends decided it was time to talk face to face, I had to pretend cool as I went with her to a hidden place. It was a place where nobody can see her with me. In short, I was ashamed of her merely because I was too concerned of myself which was selfish of me. She asked me what happened to me and when I couldn’t answer her, she didn’t want to argue any longer. She reminded me of all the good times that we’ve had and that despite everything, we were true friends. Wealth did not matter then and so did fame. All we did was study and have fun and we were happy with it. It was only then that I realized that I am focusing more on the superficial side of my teenage life when I should be focusing on the more important parts of it. I was speechless and she left me there. The next day, I felt empowered and knew what I had to do. I didn’t want to be the same people who bullied me in the past. Just because I found a way out, I took it without even thinking of the people that I would leave behind. How lame is that? Lunch break came and it was time for me to declare what I truly felt in front of everyone. I didn’t want to be scared anymore. I want to be an individual that won’t be remembered as a bad person but rather a good one. That afternoon, I left the in crowd and rejoined my group of friends. I have never been relieved in my entire life. During the time that I was with the in crowd, I was always conscious about how I talked and acted. I never felt like myself. I never felt like I was free. But now that I am back to the old crowd that I hung out with, I can say that freedom is within my grasp. I was me again and that was all that matters. I guess during the whole ordeal, I learned that I should never let myself go just because those around me asked me to. I was the architect of my future after and nothing can ever change that.

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Posted on November 3rd, 2014 by kittypaws


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