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Be Prim and Behave

It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. I was humiliated and at the same time insulted. I was very ashamed. Grrrr! If only I was just prim and patient. If only I wasn’t too over reacting. If only I made it a secret, then maybe we were still friends and I could still approach him. I made a mistake and because of this, I couldn’t anymore talk to my ultimate crush. I took a deep breath as I remembered the start of this situation. Puppy love was too crazy!
I was in my second year in high school that time when I met my gay best friend, Jay. He was too funny and very talkative. I loved his jokes ‘coz they totally made me crazy. We sat in the second row chairs in the classroom. As I looked at the people surrounding us, all faces were familiar. They were just our classmates last year. This means I couldn’t anymore experience great adjustment. I had a classmate, named Jessie. He was tall, thin, fair and smart. He was also a happy person. I knew him for a long time since we graduated in the same elementary school. I couldn’t believe he will create a mark in my life.
Jessie happened to sit in front of me. There was no meaning to me at all because I treated him as one of my closest friends too. My best friend Jay who was beside me kept on telling jokes to us and everybody laughed at him. As days passed, I could see Jessie as an intelligent student. He was a leader and at the same time he often participated in all class discussions every subject. I too was an honor student. That is why my group often competed with Jessie’s group in any class activities. As times goes by, I felt a slight admiration to him. I liked everything that he does especially when he showed to all of us his intelligence in answering Math assignments and Science activities. There was something different in my feelings towards him. He became my idol.
My feelings grew as we reached third year high school. He became handsome in my eyes even though others said he’s not. I kept my feeling in myself because I was afraid he’ll know about it and he’ll reject me. It would be too painful to me. But, there were times that I want to share to others what I feel for him to ease the burden in my chest. Because of this, I chose to tell my feelings to Jay. While he was listening, he laughed at me. He never thought I got a crush on Jessie. I was ashamed. But I told him not to tell anybody. Fortunately, he kept quiet and made it a secret between us. However, I haven’t foreseen that not all secrets can be kept forever.
My days together with Jay became weird and crazy. I transformed into a wild girl who became so expressive and very talkative. We kept on shouting inside the classroom as part of our naughty acts. I didn’t care anymore if they like my behavior or not as long as I was happy and free. I was not aware that I gradually confess my secret to all. Every time I saw Jessie, I immediately sing any love song and told everyone that the song was dedicated to him. My classmates giggled and howled as they thought it was a joke. When I looked at Jessie, he just smiled. But Jay suddenly teased me to Jessie. I blushed and kept on shaking my head saying “No”!!!! My classmates were wondering why I was super affected and blushed. As they were looking at us, my expression gave them the idea that I had a crush on Jessie!
Oh, I was really down! Now they knew my secret. As days passed, I just made myself blind from what happened the other day. I kept my silence and started to behave. Nonetheless, they still tease me or Jessie whenever we got near each other. It was not good and I didn’t think Jessie liked it. While I was thinking of a solution to my problem, I decided to just accept the flow of the situation. Every time they tease me with Jessie, I just smiled and agreed to them and I told them joke. In this way, I could have a good defense mechanism to the issue.
Jessie approached me one early morning. I was surprised and I faced him asking what he wants from me. His words slapped me as he said he didn’t like to hear our classmates tease us anymore. In addition, he said that he never liked me to do other naughty things to him because he was irritated. To conclude it all, he means he didn’t like me. What a big insult! If that’s what he felt to me, then I was wrong when I felt this admiration to him. After few minutes of meditation, I conclude that I should have been behaved and never told anyone about my feelings. I must all the time be responsible of my actions and be a prim lady wait for the right time and wait for the boy to approach you, not the other way around. It was an immature mistake!

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Posted on December 11th, 2013 by girl_n_888


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